Or possibly lowlights.

The Tonight Hour, 7pm

Magazine show. A look at how chocolate can be used in lovemaking, the best carpet washers to clean up with afterwards, and a day in the life of a divorce lawyer. With guest host Lady Gaga.

Straight Eye for the Queer Guy: The Metrosexuals Strike Back, 7:30pm

Fashion. Five well-groomed straight metrosexuals give a style-unconscious gay man a makeover.

Silence!, 8:30pm

Sitcom set in a public library. Marta learns the Library of Congress filing system and wreaks havoc whilst Jean tries to find a toyboy on Craigslist. Meanwhile, Toby is coming to terms with the death of his pterodactyl.

Brainy Brians, 9pm

Science. Professor Brian Cox, Dr Brian May and actor Brian Cox examine the role of physics in everyday life. This week: how is the length of time a kettle takes to boil affected by the phase of the moon?

Takeshi’s Castle: London, 10:30pm

The wacky Japanese game show returns in a new London location. 100 contestants have to defeat an obstacle course involving cramming onto a rush hour tube train, buying overpriced coffee in a pop-up café in an abandoned warehouse and finally, coming face to face with an irate businesswoman on an important call who wants to get past you. Craig Charles narrates, still with no idea what’s actually going on.

Discussed to Death, 11:20pm

Arts. A long, tedious discussion of whether or not William Shakespeare would actually be writing for Eastenders if he was alive today.