Winter Solstice 2020
A lost classic returns to the stage once more…
8.00: Concept Bazooka Winter Solstice Special
As dawn breaks in London on the shortest day of the year, a group of furloughed thespians and theatrical workers have until sunset to put on a charity production of a play thought lost after it was deemed to be blasphemous in 1853 and the Lord Chamberlain ordered all copies to be destroyed. Recently rediscovered in the British Library’s restricted section, the title is being kept secret until solstice day.
Good morning from Greenwich Park in London on this, the shortest day of the year. It’s 8am, and behind me is a crowd of theatrical volunteers from both on stage and behind the scenes. They’ve gathered here to raise as much money for charity as they can by preparing, rehearsing and staging the revival of a play not performed in London for 170 years - all before sunset.
The play was deemed blasphemous and thought lost, until a cleaner found it lodged behind a filing cabinet in the British Library’s restricted section during a deep-clean in April this year. Nobody here has seen the script before, and we’ve even kept the title a closely-guarded secret - until now.
Welcome to the 2020 Concept Bazooka Winter Solstice Special - The King In Yellow!
The 1853 staging of The King In Yellow had several musical numbers in it, most notably Cassilda’s Song, but the performance tonight will be going one better by incorporating updated versions of those original pieces into a new backing score which has been composed and will be performed live by Muse. The band are currently hard at work in a makeshift recording studio in the grounds of the Maritime Museum, overlooking the efforts to raise the Cutty Sark, which sank during our Music Round last month - whoops!
The role of Cassilda will be particularly difficult to prepare for, as it will require not only learning the lines, but also the difficult lyrics and melody to Cassilda’s Song. Luckily, we think Olivia Coleman will be up to the task because she was an absolute demon on the karaoke last night.
Whilst the scenery shifters try and rescue Dame Judi Dench from that wardrobe, let’s take a quick walk over here to a landmark you might not have noticed. It’s well known that the Prime Meridian runs through the Old Royal Observatory, which you can see just up on the hill, or at least it used to. Simply put, when Astronomer Royal George Airy drew his famous line over there, he didn’t know the exact location of the centre of mass of the Earth. In 1984, the Prime Meridian changed from being simply the location of Airy’s telescope to one determined by satellite measurements. Unfortunately, that moved the line around a hundred metres East, and so now it runs down this section of the park, past those trees, and right through… the bin that this dog is currently relieving itself on.
Welcome back to Greenwich Park, where Concept Bazooka is staging a one-night-only revival of a play that was previously performed only three times in London in 1853 before the Lord Chamberlain’s Office declared it blasphemous and ordered the production to close and all copies of the play to be destroyed. None of the people putting on this production had seen that text before this morning, and they’re doing all of this for charity, so please do donate if you can - we accept money, non-perishable food, exposure and organs.
Behind me, the sun is sinking gently and majestically below the horizon as the glorious light of day retreats to the other side of the planet and the dark spectre of night falls over us once more. We once again fly into one of the longest nights of the year, but tonight we have in-flight entertainment, for the falling of the sun signals the raising of the curtain. Matt Bellamy is taking to the stage to begin the overture, so please sit back and enjoy - The King In Yellow!
Thank you, everybody, thank you, thank you! Big hand for everyone on stage! And another for everyone behind the scenes! Wow, what a performance. Stunning. Thank you everyone as well for bearing with us through a few technical difficulties, but I do have some updates - firstly, I have been told that Lesley Garrett is going to be absolutely fine, and so is the small child on the zip wire who crashed into her. Secondly, we weren’t expecting that Act II would actually open a portal to Carcosa, but didn’t it look amazing? Big hand as well for Benedict Cumberbatch and Sir Ian McKellen for dragging the unconscious body of Hastur back through the portal after Maggie Smith snuck up behind him and smacked him over the head with a guitar.
Concept Bazooka will be back sooner or later, we’re not sure exactly when because our producer thinks, and I quote, “time is a very bourgeois concept really”. Until then, I leave you with Olivia Coleman’s haunting rendition of Cassilda’s Song. Try not to have nightmares about the visions of Lost Carcosa you can see in the tear in reality behind her.